Narcissists will bring confusion to the marriage and family. They will switch roles from victim to hero to martyr. One moment they might be bragging to people about how they made you what you are today, and the next moment, they might be saying they aren't feeling well, can't think straight, are depressed, feel so alone, etc. They claim to be often misunderstood and feel like they are not like other people.
Criticism sends this type of person into a rage or confusion or depression. The narcissist wants you to believe that the person they are showing you is the true creature, but it's not. This human being learned to stuff his emotions and not let them resurface. Any time you "hit on" the fact that there is more than meets the eye with the narcissist, he will become very nervous and terrified; he will start to hurt you and fight you through his defenses. Like a roach, he does not want light shined on him so he has to come out of hiding.
There is no true intimacy with a narcissist. They believe they are better than everyone else, feel no need to truly connect or share with another person. If they are not treated as "the best" they will have a childish tantrum.
Narcissists have followers who are usually insecure, easily controlled, self-deprecators, having no boundaries. The narcissist rewards or threatens their followers so they will stay by them and put up with their torment of them. Some people have a "learned state of helplessness," so they believe they can NOT get away from them.
My ex-husband and I were together 23 years because I believed that my boundaries were in tact. After his affair, I decided to leave. He and I are still on civil terms but he is still narcissistic. Rarely do they change their ways.
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