How Long???

One of the most common questions I am asked on my youtube channel and other posting sites about narcissistic abuse, is "how long will it take for me to be over this?"

Each person is different and each situation is just as different.  What this depends on, is a myriad of factors such as:


-your outlook on life in general


- how resilient you are overall when bad things happen in your life


-  are you trying to overcome the situation on your own or do you have support from a counselor, family, friends


-  do you have any spiritual beliefs or some source of "regrouping" you use in hard times.


- how codependent or dependent or borderline you are.


- your diet and health


- are you sleep deprived.

As usual there are other factors, but these are a few I could think of.

For me, personally, I have analyzed the one abuse situation from the female narcissistic mentor and here is what happened for me:

The relationship lasted about 3.5 years. From that point, I spent 6 months trying to find out what was wrong with ME that I had again attracted an abuser, then I was on meds for 9 months for ptsd (mislabeled bipolar II), and finally for 3 months, I was on antidepressants.  I would say 5 years after that, when I got divorced from the narcissistic spouse of 23 years, was when it didn't hurt to think of the N mentor anymore. So, although I'm no mathematician, I'm estimating it took me about 6 and a half YEARS to finally somewhat heal to the point that I had my identity back and could think of her without having pain so deep that I felt I couldn't exist or breathe another breath without her.

It didn't seem like it took that long, but other things were going on in my life. I had 3 children at home still, a granddaughter on the way, owned a restaurant, and was in the middle of a miserable marriage and then separation and divorce.

So, be patient with yourself if you have just come out of the abuse situation.  It takes TIME to heal, but whatever you do, maintain as LITTLE CONTACT with N as possible...best, if NO CONTACT!  Do not keep going back into the situation to further form the habit.

Scientifically, it is proven, that it takes about 21 days of repeated behavior to form a habit and 21 days to break a habit.  Your neurotransmitters in your brain "got used to" the narcissist's ways, rules, opinions, ideas, personality. It will take a while to stop being a puppet and become a "real boy."

~DD