It's Friday! What a nice day to drive super slow, learn what the "neutral" gear is for, and actually OBEY the stop signs while attempting not to slide on past them!
It was also a great day to advise one of my youtube channel viewers that it's time to LET GO! This person is struggling with releasing a former person in their life who chose to move on to a toxic relationship. If any of you are still clinging to the past person you loved, it's time to either let go or HOLD ON LOOSELY.
Here is what "still holding on and not moving on" can look like:
Every time the phone rings, you think "Oh my God! It's THEM!" (when you know full well that it's probably the latest bill collector)
You are still reminiscing over photos of the "two of us."
You are still hearing their voice in your head to the point that you can't tell which voice is theirs or God's or yours.
You find yourself doing or not doing something because of what THEY thought of it.
Every time someone talks to you, you HAVE to start obsessively mentioning your past partner's names and actions.
You sit around wondering what they are doing at any given moment.
You find yourself crying over them almost constantly.
You tend to accidentally/on purpose drift into chat rooms where you know they might be, shop in stores you know they frequent, bump into people you know are acquainted with them.
You do things to "keep tabs" on them.
There are other signs too, so these are a few of them. How do I know all this? Been there, done that, burnt the tee-shirt!
How to move on? First of all, you may not be able to do it on your own, so see a therapist, read The Language of Letting Go and other self-help books, get on meds, journal, pray, whatever you need to do in order to start finding YOU WITHOUT THEM again. Questions? Look me up but be aware that if I hear signs of you being stuck in the "obsession mode" I will be sure to let you know because you are worth more than that and you are BETTER than that!
"Eyes Wide Open Moving Forward"
Gosh I remember those early stages so well, I am so happy to be past them...I also like the concept of letting go or 'holding on loosely'. Sometimes it's hard for a victim to make a clean break, sometimes they're still in the relationship suspecting it might be NPD and know they have to get out but need a little time. Ultimately no contact is the way to go, but I think it's important to let victims know that this whole process comes in stages. Many feel shame for feeling 'weak' or lost but I think allowing them in the early stages of transition to hold on 'loosely' does a lot to lessen the pressure...although I do re-iterate don't hold on loosely for too long. Thanks for a great post! Hugs!
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